When good habits fall apart

All it took was a few weeks of business travel for me to throw my good habits out the window. I ate and drank too much. I slept less. It felt like there was no time for exercise or meditation or writing in my journal.

I came home a few pounds heavier, and even weeks after my return, it seemed I had abandoned the good practices I had taken so long to develop.

Oops.

Although this was upsetting, it was also fascinating. One element of what I do for a living is to help people develop new habits and a new mindset. I see how difficult it is for people to establish and maintain almost any habit. So experiencing my own relapse provided me with an opportunity to experience how to fix it.

Falling off the wagon

The habit checklist

As I was studying habit change, I found that much of the research tends to point to the same findings. One book, Coach Yourself, compiled the advice into a simple list that I first wrote about on January, 2014.

“This short list summarizes the basic approach towards changing anything in your life.

  1. Take small steps towards your goals
  2. Set some realistic, achievable goals
  3. Structure your life to help you attain your goals
  4. Allow yourself to fail sometimes without turning it into a catastrophe
  5. Look at the areas where you’re successful
  6. Reward yourself for your successes
  7. Focus on your achievements
  8. Enlist the support of friends
  9. Chart your progress
  10. Picture the way you’d like life to be

Where my previous attempts at change failed, it was because I attempted too big a change too quickly, overreacted to my failures, lacked peer support, or missed some other element on this simple list.”

The road to recovery

So as my good habits were falling apart, I simply consulted the habit checklist. Here are the things that helped me get back on track.

First off, number 4: “Allow yourself to fail sometimes without turning it into a catastrophe.” Seeing how common it is to relapse to old ways, I didn’t make a big deal of it. Rather than waste energy berating myself for something quite normal, I focused on taking steps to fix it.

Then on to number 3: “Structure your life to help you attain your goals.” If I wanted to drink less, then I should keep less wine in the house. If I wanted to exercise more, I should schedule when and where I would do it. Shaping my environment in simple ways made future decisions much easier.

I still needed to act, though, and that’s where my favorite, number 1, came in. “Take small steps towards your goals.” I first wrote about “touching the treadmill” in 2013, when I realized that the most powerful principle in developing a new habit is the progress principle. A small step towards your goal gives you a sense of your control, leads to increased motivation, and empowers you to keep going. So rather than setting a goal of  "doing everything I used to do," I simply aimed to do things once as a way to get started.

Having taken a few steps, it was checklist item number 9 that helped me be mindful of my habits each day: “Chart your progress.” Ben Franklin talked about his “resolutions chart” in his famous autobiography, and I wrote about “How this one simple chart made me happier in 6 weeks” a few years ago.

“What happened is I became mindful of my happiness. Put together, all the resolutions on my chart made for a powerful shift in what I did and how I thought. Instead of thinking of happiness as something I would find, it has become a state I am actively trying to create. In a few minutes each day, the chart reminds me of what I need to do to maintain balance in my life and, when I’m out of balance, what adjustments I might make the following day. I gradually became happier after a few weeks.”

I also wrote that “I might maintain a resolutions chart for the rest of my life, just like Ben Franklin,” and indeed I’ve maintained a chart each week since then.

What’s right for me may be wildly different than what’s right for you. The path you take will also be different. But for most of us the secrets of developing and maintaining the habits that make us happy can be found in a simple checklist.

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p.s. Speaking of habits, I’ll be taking time off from writing this Saturday blog and focus more on writing the second edition of Working Out Loud. My next post here will be on September 10th.

Will my weekly writing habit “fall apart” as a result? It’s possible but unlikely. Writing is now like being a vegetarian, more deeply wired into who I am and what I do. While I was on the business trip that undid my other practices, I was able to write and stay meatless without much thinking at all.

See you in September. :-)