A very special dinner

Last year, on a wet and windy evening in Hamburg, I celebrated my birthday with three friends I thought I knew well. I was wrong.

We were the first customers at “das weisse haus.” In the quiet setting, we made small talk about the weather, the menu.

To get things going, someone suggested we try an exercise we all knew well: “share five facts about you.” I was skeptical. We use this exercise with new members in peer support groups to help them discover something about each other. What could we possibly learn about friends?

We agreed our facts had to be something no one else at the table knew, then we took turns. Soon the conversation flowed like wine. Each fact became a story, and we offered parts of our lives, of ourselves, without pretense or shame. A first romance. A family challenge. A business failure. A wild adventure. We listened with a sense of astonishment and awe.

The dinner was sumptuous. The service was remarkable. But what I remember is the feeling. The rare, exquisite feeling you get when you offer yourself as you truly are and that offer is met with deep appreciation and respect.

It felt like…love. And that was a beautiful birthday gift, indeed. Herzlichen Dank, Michael, Katha, and Jens, for a memory I will carry with me for a long, long time.

The next time you’re having dinner with friends and want to go beyond small talk, consider this exercise. You may discover something extraordinary about your friends—and about yourself.

Four happy, smiling people (from left to right): Michael Trautmann, John Stepper, Katharina Krentz, Jens Wiemann