The Good Men Collective

I’ve begun work on a new program for men. 

After reading Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves, a powerful book which describes in detail the ways many men are suffering and the reasons why, I felt I had to do something. After experiencing my own challenges, I knew that helping men could also help all the people around them. 

Here’s some information about the program (tentatively named “The Good Men Collective”), and how you can learn more, participate, or contribute ideas if you like.

Why a program for men?

The role of men in families and in society has changed due to dramatic economic, social, and cultural shifts. The very idea of masculinity has changed.

But…changed to what? 

If a man thinks of himself as the provider, for example, but now women are the primary breadwinner in more than 40% of households, what happens to that man’s sense of identify and purpose? How can he still fulfill  his role or otherwise adapt?

The lack of clear answers is resulting in a crisis for millions of men and boys, as measured by deaths of despair, substance abuse, lower graduation rates, participation in sports, and joblessness. More and more men are either tending to retreat via substances or gaming or other addictions, or to seek outlets that advocate a return to traditional interpretations of male roles/masculinity (e.g., demagogues in politics or certain internet influencers). 

A program for men in no way diminishes the challenges faced by women and other groups. This happens to be a topic where I think I can contribute.

What will make this program different?

In some ways, the program will be like other Working Out Loud programs: small groups, individual goals, practice over time using a structured curriculum. In other, important, ways, it will be unlike anything I’ve ever done. 

The Good Men Collective will help men navigate the many changes affecting them. In small, confidential groups, men will explore questions of purpose and identity as they build skills designed to increase their sense of belonging and self-efficacy. They will decide for themselves what it means to be “a good man,” and work together on how to put those ideas into practice, actively cultivating skills and relationships along the way.

There are already a wide range of programs for men. Many are focused on specific topics, like anger management or relationships, and are led by trained therapists. Some focus on challenges faced by specific groups, such as African-American boys. A few offer the chance for men to work through past traumas or difficult emotions. 

Unlike these programs, the Good Men Collective is not meant as therapy nor does it have a specific point of view as to what men should or should not do. There won’t be a business model or a professional facilitator. Rather, this new program will give men a confidential space where they can work through what it means for each of them to be “a good man” in different contexts, to become the kind of man they, individually, respect and would like to be. 

What’s next?

I’m grateful to a working group that graciously helped get this idea off the ground: Cathy Hockaday, John Garbett, Doug Coatsworth, and Shannon Hoffman.They all work to make the world a better place and I am privileged to know them. Thanks also to the many people I’ve spoken with who are already running programs for men and boys, including Jindy Mann and Eric Mongail, who generously shared their ideas and experiences.

I hope to kick off a pilot of 50 or so men in September. In the meantime, I will talk about The Good Men Collective with Robert Kötter on Wednesday, May 7th at 3pm CEST, 9am EDT. And I’ll continue working on the format and the materials, and posting updates along the way.

If you have ideas or feedback or would like to contribute in some other way, please contact me at john.stepper@workingoutloud.com. 

Thank you.